


Like the Weight of the Sun

by Chilipepperconverse



Category: RWBY
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Angst, F/M, Family Dynamics, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Legal Drama, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Hatred, Survivor Guilt, editing the tags bc organization is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-03
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-03-26 06:42:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13852209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chilipepperconverse/pseuds/Chilipepperconverse
Summary: It's been two months since Ruby saw Pyrrha die.Two months summed up by warring emotions, screaming for help in her sleep, and the way she catches herself looking at someone she shouldn't be looking at.It doesn't help when she's summoned to testify against her friend's murderer in court.(modern AU post vol 3 fic! w/ a tiny bit of angsty lancaster)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WOWIE it's been awhile since ive written fic! I'm in to RWBY now and uh, yeah. Lancaster and Bumblebee own my ass rn so expect that. Anyways here's this, it's really a setup/prequel fr a longer fic i'm gonna write where everybody's safe and happy bc i need that after vol 5 lol. With this one it's pretty much complete but I'll be posting chapters every week to gimme time to finish it/start the next one. Everything canon with major characters has happened in this, with some liberties taken to make things realistic (ie Yang's arm is just broken, Pyrrha didn't dissolve...) 
> 
> ALSO, Trigger warnings in this for assault, negative self-talk, and multiple death mentions. Not fun stuff, i know. 
> 
> *title is from the song Timeless by the airborne toxic event :0 its a total arkos to jauby song imho*
> 
> ANYHOW enjoy!

Ruby stares into her coffee, stirring the cream into swirling storms like the one brewing outside. Between the thunder and static, music playing from the stereo by the coffee shop's door is getting harder to hear. Absently, Ruby sets her jaw in her left hand and lets her eyes wander to window on her right, where she can see the parking lot. The clouds had rolled in from the mountains this morning, covering her town in a thick fog that obscured the tips of the evergreens dotting the hills. The rain hadn't let up since she'd got here, and mud was starting to creep up the tires of all 6 cars in the dirt lot. And none of them are Jaune's. She sighs through her nose, well aware of the fact that that boy could drive even in an earthquake, so it isn't the rain putting him off. Ruby takes a sip of coffee and reaches for her phone, only for it to start ringing in her hand. When she sees her sister's face, a small smile finds its way onto her own.

“Hey, Yang.”

“Hey, Rubes. You doin' okay?” Yang's voice is light and brassy, distant and too cheerful for the reason she's calling. Ruby keeps this observation to herself.

“I've been better,” she admits. “I'm at the café right now. I was supposed to meet up with Jaune and talk about tomorrow, but he hasn't shown up. I'm thinking I'll just ask Dad to come get me.”

“What?” It’s as though her sister’s voice drops an octave. “That's just disrespectful, to not show up like that. I’ll give him a piece of it, sis. What’s his deal?” Ruby hears a door slam in the background.

“Yang, that night was hell on both of us,” she hisses, tightening her grip on her phone. “I kind of get why he wouldn’t want to talk about it. Frankly, I don’t either. Imagine if Blake kissed you for the first time and died an hour later.” 

She can almost hear her sister wince. Then there’s a long, weary sigh. “I’m sorry, Ruby. Just- stay safe, okay? None of this is your fault.”

Ruby releases a breath she didn't know she was holding, feels tears she didn't know had been forming. She is so, _so_ scared. 

There were so many things she could say. 

_Liar,_

_It’s all my fault,_

_I saw it happen,_

_I didn’t do enough,_

_I’m a coward,_

_If I had just-_

But after another shaky breath, she croaks out, “Thanks, sis.”

Thankfully, Yang doesn't pry about her silence. “I'll call you again before it starts, okay? I'll have something to cheer you up then.”

“Should I be scared?" In spite of herself, playfulness sneaks into her voice.

“About the surprise, possibly,” Yang responds through a smile, but her tone becomes sincere. “About the trial, no.”

Ruby doesn't reply.

“I know how scared you are, believe me. Remember when Blake and I got that restraining order back in June? I was scared Adam was gonna break my _other_ arm when he saw us.” Yang laughs nervously, but she can tell it's not helping. She sighs, wanting to hug her little sister more than anything.“You're gonna do great, Ruby. I love you.”

Ruby's demons keep quiet, thankfully letting her have this moment. “Thank you, Yang,” she whispers. “I love you, too.”

Before getting up and leaving altogether, Ruby sends a quick text to Jaune asking where he is. She looks outside and is met with the same downpour, though the thunder's subsided for now. If she’s going to go, now’s the time.

She's sure that Cinder will do something when she sees her, but the uncertainty of what it will be has been eating at Ruby since she found out the court date. It’ll likely just be a scowl or sneer, but there are worse scenarios Ruby can’t push away. She pictures a knife hidden in the woman’s waistband, that knowing smirk, the narrowing of her amber eyes and gasps from the whole court as she pulls the blade, throws it right into-

Ruby jumps, leaving a smudged impression of her forehead on the frigid window. Her blood is roaring in her ears and her hands have gathered her red coat in fistfuls. The girl blinks herself back into control of her trembling body, and shuffles the papers she had spread across the table. With a heavy heart, Ruby tucks the documents into the binder she then slides in her messenger bag. 

The coffee is watery and lukewarm, but she finishes it anyway. The bitter taste is still in her mouth when she pulls up her hood and pulls herself out of the booth she’s made her home in. Ruby doesn’t have it in her to say goodbye to any of the staff when she walks out of the coffee shop and into the early December drizzle. It may be starting to turn to ice, but she’s too lost in her own head to notice.

She had lied to Yang. Ruby didn’t exactly mind walking home in the rain. Having lived in Washington her whole life, it wasn’t exactly unheard of to do so. Besides, she hadn’t even told their dad that she had walked to the café by herself. He’d been under the impression that Jaune was taking her there and back.

Jaune. Her stomach flips at the thought of him. Surely he didn’t show up to prove some kind of point to her. That it just wasn’t possible for them to stay friends after what happened. _He hates you, isn’t that obvious? That's what you get. He was your best friend and you failed him, you failed_ her _, you fucking coward_. The shaking hasn’t stopped, and it’s getting worse. She plugs in her headphones and presses play, not caring what song comes up.

It’s only 4pm, but Vale is already sleeping under the brumous sky. Ruby seems to be the only one on the street, so she ends up walking down the main road. Her headphones bob up and down with her slow pace, counter-acting the throbbing in her skull. With this safety in place, Ruby watches the insides of storefronts, the employees inside lazily milling about. Dogs bark from the windows of the warm, safe bungalows that line the street around her. The chilly air smells like rain and pine needles, and Ruby closes her eyes, trying to focus on the music in her ears. 

But it doesn’t work. Her eyelids turn bright red and the screeching of tires seems miles away. There’s a cold slap where flecks of mud hit her face. For a single, terrifying moment, none of her muscles work.

Ruby rips off her headphones and stumbles away from the headlights she nearly walked into. Jaw quivering, she starts to veer to the truck’s left when she notices an equally panicked Jaune Arc in the driver’s seat. He all but leaps out of the powder blue pickup and rushes to meet her.

“Ruby! Oh my god, are you hurt?” Jaune asks, though he knows she’s not. Not from his car, anyway. Ruby looks up at her friend wordlessly, trembling. There’s water in her eyes, but he can’t tell if it’s tears or raindrops. The guilt twists in Jaune’s gut like a knife and suddenly he’s blabbering, dumping a landslide of apologies and excuses on her. He realizes that he’s started to shiver, and he wonders how long Ruby’s been out in the cold. 

“Did-did you walk? To the shop?” 

Ruby nods.

He sighs a response. “Let me drive you home, at least.”

His friend stares at him for a few seconds, her piercing grey eyes peeking through sopped hair. Jaune watches her breath freeze in the air, noticing it come in sharp puffs instead of lazy, swirling clouds. His ears are beginning to sting. 

“Okay.”

Jaune exhales, relieved. He bounds back to his truck and flings the passenger door open. Ruby climbs in, apparently reluctant to meet his gaze. When he gets in on his side, Jaune reaches in the back seat and finds that he did in fact have a blanket with him. He picks it up and gives it to Ruby, who gratefully pulls it around her. Still without saying anything. Jaune presses his foot to the gas, and the old pickup delivers.

At one of their small town’s few stoplights, Jaune puts the car in park and turns to the very silent girl in his passenger seat, not without fiddling with the green pendant dangling from his neck. “Hey, Ruby? You, uh, you’re awfully quiet. Are you okay? I mean- well, obviously neither of us are okay, but-”

“Jaune, are you mad at me?”

The question is like a physical blow in the silence that’s accompanied him thus far, and his grip on Pyrrha’s earring tightens. Ruby meets his eyes, her gaze more desperate than hurt. He blinks, stunned she would think that he had any darkness tacked to her name. “Why would I be mad?”

The light is green, but there’s no one around to honk at them for not moving, so he stays put while Ruby collects herself. She’s looking down now, where she has her fingers knitted together in her lap. “I just was- I’m-” When her voice cracks, so does Jaune’s heart.

“It's okay,” he murmurs, offering his hand. Ruby takes it and squeezes. “Breathe.”

“I thought that you- were mad because I- I just…watched,” she stammers. After taking his advice, she lets his hand go and speaks again. But her voice is a wheeze that’s barely audible. “I just watched her die.”

They sit in pained silence for an eternity before Jaune shifts into drive and the truck starts moving. Ruby is about to break down, all the memories of that night rushing up to hit her like concrete, and she can’t breathe. But just as she’s about to let out a fruitless apology, her friend inhales slowly. 

“Did I ever tell you how Pyrrha and I started talking?”

Dumbfounded, Ruby searches her memory. “I don’t think so,” she admits. 

Jaune huffs, letting his shoulders fall. “I think a month after she moved here we got put together for a project. After that, when she started hanging out with us, I remember calling her one night and just pouring my heart out. I’m sure it was around finals,” he jokes halfheartedly. “But for her it must’ve been completely out of nowhere, and I just started rambling on about feeling like a failure, like I was letting everyone down, being a fraud and all that crap.” He pauses. Ruby shifts her weight in the seat. She remembers having those conversations with him, too. When Jaune's depression got really bad, they would talk through it almost daily. It never really bothered her. 

“And when I finished talking I was so scared of what she would say that I just hung up. That just made it all worse.”

Ruby closes her eyes and pictures Pyrrha in this moment, stunned, with tears filling her leaf green eyes. Sitting on her bed in fuzzy pajamas, with her phone in hand, not kneeling on pavement with manicured hands wrapped around her throat.

“What happened next?” Ruby asks now. 

“What do you think?” All Jaune does is smile. His voice is wearing thin. “You know her. She called back maybe two seconds later, and the first thing she said was that as people, we’re taught to never be satisfied with anything. ‘We aren’t allowed to think we’re good enough,’ she said. She goes, ‘you’re not a failure, Jaune, and you never have been.’ At this point I can tell she’s crying, too.” He drums his fingers on the steering wheel as they turn onto Ruby’s street. ‘Patch Lane’, the wooden sign reads. “Point is, Ruby, I don’t think she’d agree that you just sat and watched.”

The truck jostles them about on the gravel driveway, and Ruby feels one last tear escape when she blinks. He’s right, and she can almost hear Pyrrha agree with him. After they’ve pulled to a stop, she looks over to see Jaune already looking at her.

“You’re the bravest person I know.” There’s vulnerability in his sky blue eyes, like he’s pleading with her now. The feeling churns Ruby’s insides and she has to look down. “For god’s sake, Ruby, you can’t say you just watched when you’re the whole reason they caught her in the first place. I mean, you took action, and that’s more than can be said for most.”

There’s another beat of silence. The rain has started coming down harder, no longer soft tapping but a near white noise. When Jaune speaks, it’s laden, like he’s talking to himself.

“I know it’s more than I could’ve done.”

Ruby un-clicks her seatbelt and leans over the console, not really noticing the way her friend- her _best_ friend- tenses for an instant when her arms wrap around him. She takes a few deep breaths, the smell of burnt wood and hay filling her nose. After a moment, she feels Jaune hug her back, patting her shoulder with a sigh. She fights another sob building in her throat, and realizes that every time she’s cried today has been for a different reason. 

They stay that way for a while, but when Ruby pulls away with a squeeze, Jaune finds himself wanting to hold her a little longer. He feels another stab of guilt, as though the earring hanging from his neck is burning.

“Thanks, Jaune.” Ruby smiles at him quietly, carefully. It hurts to watch her now, opening the door, preparing to walk into the pouring rain, if only for a few moments. She still has his blanket on her shoulders, but he doesn't stop her. “For everything.”

He nods, and Ruby sees his throat bob with a nervous gulp. “I-I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Remember what she said to me when you’re up there.” He offers her a sympathetic smile, making her own spread just a bit.

“I will.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which Taiyang is a dad i guess. Here's where that minor violence mention comes into play, so be mindful!

Ruby slides down the door when she closes it, suddenly exhausted. She hears the tapping of her dog’s feet, and she groans. An excited and hyper corgi is _not_ what she needs right now.

“Hey, Zwei.” The little black dog scurries up to Ruby and starts licking her wet face without conviction. With suppressed giggles, Ruby shrugs off her coat and stands up. “Did Dad let you out?” She asks in a motherese tone.

Zwei spins in a circle and makes a dash for the back door. Ruby rolls her eyes and smiles again, in spite of herself.

“Guessing that’s a no.”

When she comes back to the kitchen for her things, she sees Jaune’s wool blanket stuck to her coat on the floor.

 

After playing a half-hearted game of tug of war to tire Zwei out, Ruby opens the door to her bedroom, letting light from the hallway spill in. Her room is so small she can’t believe she used to share it with Yang. She plugs in the string lights that hang over her window, their soft glow illuminating the beige walls. She had taken the menacing legal binder out of her bag and set it on her old wooden desk, intending to look over the papers inside, but when Zwei leaps on to the bed, she can’t help but agree with him. Ruby doesn’t bother changing out of her leggings, only hesitating to swap her sweater for a t-shirt before climbing into the nest of pillows and blankets. She pretends not to notice when she picks up a plaid blanket that’s redolent with spent maple and hugs it to her chest, feeling heat build in her cheeks as the world turns fuzzy. 

She’s almost sleeping when the front door opens with a _creeeak_.Zwei revs up like an engine, falling from the bed and racing to meet Taiyang. 

“Ruby, I’m home!” 

“Hey, Dad,” she calls back weakly. Without thinking, she pulls her comforter over Jaune’s blanket. Through her clouded vision Ruby sees her father push her door open a bit so he can lean in the door frame. She’s pretty sure his face is drawn with concern, because soon he’s crouched at her bedside, smelling faintly of motor oil.

“You feeling okay, sweetheart?” He asks, looking anxiously at the clock on her nightstand. “It’s only six- How long ago did you get home?”

Ruby yawns. “Around four? Four-thirty? I’m just tired, is all.”

Tai raises his eyebrows. _Really?_

“Okay, fine. No, I’m not okay,” Ruby admits as she sits up, grabbing a pillow and setting it in her lap. “Just…” She drops her head. “Really nervous about tomorrow.”

“Well,” her dad says with a gentle smile. “How about I bring you something to eat, and we can read through your testimony one more time? Then you can catch some z’s.”

“Sounds good to me.” Ruby doesn’t know if now’s a good time to mention that she hasn’t actually looked at the documents. It can wait ’til after dinner, she figures. “What’s on the menu tonight?”

Tai strokes the beard he barely has and regards his daughter. “Hmm, in the mood for a grilled cheese? I can put ham in it, if you want.”

“Yes, please!” Ruby beams. “All the comfort food!” 

“Coming right up!”

 

————

 

Ruby’s out for a walk. It’s mid-October, and she’s listening to the desperate singing of summer’s last crickets when there’s a scream. Immediately, her hand wraps around the Swiss Army knife on her keychain. She can’t bring herself to walk away. There’s only one sheriff in Vale, and Ironwood won't stay up past 7. The need for him to do so rarely presents itself. 

_It’s fine_ , Ruby thinks, continuing towards the sound. _Just some kids_ -

Another scream, and she knows who it is. A thin, alto shriek cut off by loss of breath. She’s running now, boots kicking up dry dirt. Dust swirls around her when she turns a corner. It settles, and her fears are realized. 

Pyrrha lies on the ground, clutching at her chest. On top of her is Cinder, a usually quiet girl who graduated last year. She’s whispering to Pyrrha, who has black and red tears streaking her colorless face, which is cupped in Cinder’s hands. Her shirt has been torn open. Ruby hears herself panting, feels her legs turn to water as though from outside her body. Her vision is black at the edges. She hears Pyrrha’s last gasp for breath, sees her eyes freeze. They’re getting farther away. Cinder smirks and thrusts her victim’s head to the ground. The sound that it makes…

Ruby screams, but no sound comes out. It hurts. They’re still getting smaller. Cinder whips her head around and lunges at Ruby, though she hadn’t made a sound. The murderer is upon her in an instant, despite moving in near slowmotion. Ruby tries to pull her knife out, but her hands keep slipping from the cold metal.

There’s blood on them.

 

Ruby wakes with a start and finds the blanket on the floor. There’s a knot in her stomach and a lifeless face in her mind. She doesn’t pick it up.

 

————

 

In the morning all the lights are on and the radio is buzzing. The house smells like butter. With a yawn, Ruby looks at the clock on her nightstand. It’s 7 AM: Four hours to go.

“Morning,” she mumbles, padding into the kitchen and rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Only upon sitting down does she notice the plate of warm pancakes in front of her. “Aw, Dad, you didn’t have to!“

“Of course I did, Ruby,” says Tai, setting his own plate down with a grin. “You’ve been working so hard on this, on top of school and everything. Plus-” he adds, “I thought I’d continue with the ‘comfort food’ schtick. You deserve it- I’m real proud of you.”

Ruby smiles and looks down awkwardly. “Thanks, Dad.” They eat in comfortable silence and listen to the radio. The local signal is barely receivable after rain, so conversation is uncharacteristically kept to a minimum. It’s apparently going to be sunny, which Taiyang says is good luck.

It’s a Monday, but school’s been called off. Pretty much all of Vale’s 203 residents are packing up and making the trip to Okanogan for the trial. Being the only eyewitness of the crime, however, Ruby and her father have to leave much earlier than those who only plan to observe and pay their respects.

Ruby keeps an eye on the clock as she packs for the day, putting her legal binder in a plain black backpack instead of her rose-patterned messenger bag. She doesn’t know why the thought of not being taken seriously bothers her so much, but she can’t stop imagining the scoffs of strangers when the case rests on her shoulders. 

S he’s barely sixteen- a case like this shouldn't depend on an emotional teenager. Ruby spent the only sixteenth birthday she’ll ever get grieving for Pyrrha, worrying about whether or not her murderer would be convicted on one girl’s memories. 

She zips the backpack shut. The blanket is still on the floor. Ruby hesitates, then bends down and picks up the wool throw. The fabric bunches up under her fingers, and before she knows it, Ruby is holding it to her face and breathing deeply. She tells herself it's just to relax, but with every inhalation, dusty blond hair or a tilted smile flickers in Ruby's mind. She winces and recoils from the bundle in her hands. Why would thinking that way cross her mind at a time like this? Shame blooms across her face.

Her relationships with both Jaune and Pyrrha had been complicated in the last week or so before Pyrrha’s death. Ruby had admired both of them in ways she could never quite articulate. 

With Pyrrha, Ruby was first drawn in by her intelligence, speaking calmly and wisely even about obvious things. Ruby recalled being entranced once by Pyrrha explaining how Ruby’s estrogen pills worked. Then she started noticing the soft glow of her green eyes, the tumble of her hair when they ran together. How her collarbone pushed against her skin when she smiled, she was happiest on Thursdays. Little things she’d only really noticed about Jaune.

He had been Ruby’s best friend for as long as she could remember. Ruby remembered sitting at the endlessly long dinner table in his house, teasing him like she was his eighth sister. Getting up in the morning to find he’d sent her memes at 2 AM. Soon she saw how he brushed his hair back when he was nervous. He walked like he was dancing, lifted things gracefully when he fed the cows, but as soon as he tried to be suave around Pyrrha he’d fall over. Was it possible to have crushes on people in love with each other?

Ruby’s head swims now, and she stuffs the blanket into her backpack, sighing slowly like she can force the past out of her mind. Days after she came to terms with those feelings, disaster had struck. No use in tempting fate twice; that would just disrespect Pyrrha even more. Ruby makes a fist and digs her fingernails into the pad of her thumb.

“Hey, Ruby, we gotta go!” Taiyang cries from the front door.

There were times when Ruby couldn’t possibly overstate how grateful she was for him.

The drive would only be an hour, give or take, but Ruby still climbs into the backseat of the one car her family has. Curling up against the door, she watches her sleepy hometown wake up to a rainless, albeit overcast, pale grey sky. Once out of the grove where Vale sits, they start descending down the mountain. Now, the neighboring peaks and valleys surrounding them seem to grow from the earth, like a time-lapse of flowers blooming or vines reaching upward. The road they drive on is unnamed, running through pristine forests. Though Ruby loves the idea of big cities and busy streets, she always treasures seeing parts of wilderness so untouched by human hands. 

Then the trees become too tall and thick to see through, and only Tai and his GPS know where they’re going. Ruby puts on her headphones and zones out for the ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to leave any of your thoughts, btw! I love constructive comments!
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, guys! next chapter is on Saturday!


	3. Chapter 3

Okanogan is a city of only 2500, but compared to Vale, it’s a bustling metropolis. There are people on the sidewalks, and more than one car on the roads at a time. The nerves fraying in Ruby’s mind take the form of wonder for a little while, as she admires the river running alongside the streets, and buildings that have two or even three stories. 

The courthouse dominates the grey and brown buildings downtown, its red roof and clock tower peering over their flat forms. Ruby feels like its looking down on her, too, as she and her dad walk up the steps. It’s 8:45. The trial starts at 11.

At the entrance to the courthouse Ruby sees several assortments of flowers, with a framed picture of Pyrrha propped up in the middle of them. There are letters from local teachers and students, addressed to both her and her family. Under the stand with the photo, a poster-board rests with the phrases “Rest in Peace” and “Justice for Pyrrha” written on it, waiting for signatures from court-goers. Ruby picks one of the markers in the adjacent pencil case and signs her name in red. The gesture is empty. What justice will come of writing your name for someone? Taiyang kneels next to Ruby and signs his name near his daughter's. A chill of familiarity runs down his spine.

Once inside the courthouse, Ruby stays silent and merely observes while her dad meets with the district attorney. She’s busy staring into the eyes of a stuffed and mounted coyote when she hears her name in the conversation the adults are having.

“-doesn’t remember if Cinder came up to her before she got it out,” Tai was saying. The lawyer, a stooping man with a widow's peak, nods. Ruby feels a knot form in her stomach. “She just knows she was attacked before actually using the knife.”

“That's actually good for a self-defense case,” the man replies. “As long as something provoked her to fear for her own safety. Believe me, sir, the only person who’ll leave here with a crime on their record is Cinder Fall.”

Ruby says nothing. She never felt fear for her life until Cinder was at her throat. What she _felt_ she had acted on was rage. But bringing that up now wouldn’t change anything.

 

After the initial meeting with the lawyer, Ruby was to meet with a “counseling and memory expert”, according to the subpoena she’d been given, but the professional in question evidently had a prior obligation. When an employee breaks this news to her, Ruby can’t help but feel a slight sense of relief. This gives her about thirty minutes to, well… try not to think too much about what’s to come of the next few hours.

She finds an empty conference room on the second floor and drops in to one of the plush desk chairs. Upon looking out the window and down to the street, Ruby realizes what she’s been waiting for and fishes her phone from her dress’s pocket. It’s 10 AM now. _Why hasn’t Yang called yet?_ She can’t remember if her sister’s final was today or not. Grumbling, Ruby looks through her bag for something that doesn’t have legal seals or the state flag on it. She finds, much to her delight, a word search book tucked under Jaune’s blanket and a few protein bars. Ruby pulls the paperback out and gets to work on one of the puzzles. A draft from the vent to her back reminds her that she left her coat with her dad. Hesitantly, she takes the blanket out of the backpack, feeling surrounded by imaginary stares.

“Knock, knock!”

Ruby sighs, knowing she doesn’t have time to hide her makeshift shawl as Tai walks in. “You found me.”

Her dad laughs in a way that makes Ruby forget her sardonic air. “Sure did. Where’d you get that blanket?” He asks, pulling over a chair.

“Did Yang call you?” Ruby dodges his question in an effort to keep her face its normal color. Tai blinks, but shakes his head. “Okay. She said she’d call me, but I didn’t know if-”

Ruby’s phone vibrates, and she hits the answer button before her father can finish saying “Speak of the devil.”

“Hi, Yang!” She sings as she sets the phone down and presses the speaker icon. There’s two voices laughing on the other end.

“Hey, Ruby. Feeling better, I gather?” Yang asks. Ruby can’t help the smile she gets from hearing her sister. If there was a voice she needed to hear right now, it was Yang’s.

“Dare I say, we both are,” Tai says as he leans toward the phone.

“Hey, Dad!” His older daughter beams. “Hey, real quick, you guys remember that fire down by the Oregon border?”

They all know where this is going, but play along anyway. “Yeah,” Ruby says, still grinning.

“Also, you know that a certain person we know had to go help put it out, and was gone for, like, a month?”

“Yeah...!”

“And you know how that person said he’d be coming home in a few days?”

Ruby bangs her fist on the table. “Yeah!”

“Well guess who stopped by to visit me!” Yang boasts. Ruby can picture her sister with her working arm around their uncle, punching the sky with her cast in mock victory. 

“Wow, I never woulda seen that one coming, Firecracker,” Qrow says sarcastically. The smile he talks with is evident, despite the lack of a visual.

Ruby speaks before her sister can form an equally sassy response. “Hi Uncle Qrow, we miss you so much and are very very jealous of Yang right now!” There’s snickers from the adults on both ends.

“Alright, Tough Guy,” Taiyang addresses Qrow after a moment. “You’re okay, right? And you’re coming home, so I’m guessing the fire’s out?” 

“The news up here isn’t talking about it anymore,” Ruby adds, turning to look out the window.

The firefighter sighs audibly. Ruby hears the soft _thud_ of a cup being set down. “It’s only contained, so no. But it’s manageable to the point where the local guys can finish it off.”

“You didn’t answer my first question.”

“Tai, I’m fine,” Qrow chuckles. “You know who you’re talking to?”

“I know who he’s _not_ talking to,” Yang says with excitement. “Someone who just finished her first college final!!!”

Ruby smiles to herself as the conversation takes off. The past few weeks have been hell, and she’s only been thinking of today as the worst of it all. And it will be, once this gap in the clouds passes. But with Qrow coming home in two days, and Yang in three, the thought of seeing her family all in the same place again is something she can cling to as 11 o’clock draws closer. 

When they say goodbye and hang up, she pictures Yang rambling about her teachers at dinner. _You all know essays just aren’t my thing. I swear that guy was totally out to get me!_

During the next meeting with the lawyer, Ruby imagines waking up to find Qrow and Yang playing cards in the living room, her dad making French toast in the kitchen. She can almost smell it. 

Ruby thinks of Christmas morning as she practices the ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions about October 17th she knows by heart. New Years Eve at Town Hall as she walks into the courtroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know this one was a bit short, sorry y'all. I probably won't be writing new stuff this week- gotta write for school before i can indulge myself by writing this lmao.  
> Also I most likely won't be taking my laptop on vacation with me so this fic will be taking a short break as well. Will update onnnnn the 1st probs
> 
> Thanks for reading u guys rock!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i actually managed to find time to edit this chapter while unpacking today! feels so good to be back y'all!!

The last 30 minutes before the trial are a waiting game that’s harder than any Ruby has ever played. The seats around her slowly fill with people she knows, but doesn’t want to show herself to. At one point, she feels a familiar stare.

Jaune can hear Nora talking, but her words slip right through his ears as he waits for Ruby to look up. Just for a second, just to know she’s as strong as she always has been. His leg is beginning to get sore from bouncing and he has to wipe the perspiration from his hands. Ruby doesn’t move, and Jaune is reminded that his guiding light is in the hands of a terrified child- She’s no different than him.

His heart feels like its stuffed with cotton.

Ruby stares at the flats on her feet, pretending that Jaune isn’t even there.Pretending he’s not there so she can’t think about the blanket in her bag, or about how he looked at her in the car yesterday. Ruby curses herself silently. _What kind of friend are you?_

She thinks instead of the peridot earring around his neck until the bailiff announces that the court is in session, and she rises with everyone else.

When the defense team brings in Cinder, Ruby keeps her eyes fixed to the wood panelling on the wall she faces, tracing the grain with an invisible finger. Only when they have sat down does she dare to steal a glance.

The murderess has chopped away most of her shining black hair, and it now tapers off around the nape of her neck. The orange coveralls she wears are the brightest color in the room of black dresses, black blazers, and black pants. Though she can’t see it from where she sits now, Ruby knows the smug expression Cinder wears; the face is burned on the redness of her eyelids. She can see the tied knot that holds a patch over Cinder’s left eye. _I did that,_ Ruby thinks with a shudder.

After the introduction of the case, Ruby has to fight to keep herself inside her own body. The photographs taken of the crime scene are presented first, tacked to an easel resembling a large notepad, and brought to the center of the room. Most of the gallery quietly avert their eyes to the horrific images, but as Ruby takes in the nebula of bruises on Pyrrha’s cadaver, her stomach churns with a brand new wave of disgust. Its spurred on not by the photos, but by the sickened, choking sobs that she knows are coming from Pyrrha’s parents, who sit only a few feet to her left. Ruby finds herself disgusted with the fact that they have to look at this.

Disgusted that she didn’t have this kind of determination earlier.

 

When the prosecution begins their argument, the attorney Ruby and her father met with less than an hour ago gives an opening statement. He then lowers his glasses and points his eyes in her direction. 

“Your Honor, I’d like to call Miss Ruby Rose to the stand for our first direct examination.”

The judge nods, and Ruby’s heart hammers. “You may proceed.”

Ruby digs her nails into her palm, desperate for a sensation other than the sheer agony of every pair of eyes on her when she stands. While she makes her way to the barrier, the bailiff takes a document from a manila folder marked ‘WITNESS’ and hands it to the judge, who then passes it to the clerk behind him. The paper fluttering is the only sound in the room. The lawyer opens the gate separating the gallery from the main court. Ruby focuses on her feet as she walks to her seat at the witness stand.

Once seated, Ruby lets her eyes drift for a moment while the clerk files away the record. She dances around the spot where Cinder is staring at her. From what Ruby can see, most of her classmates are in the room, their jaws clenched, eyes tired. When she finds Jaune, he’s sitting with his family to one side, Nora and Ren on the other. The latter two have their gazes fixed to Ruby, holding looks of solemn reassurance. 

The former has undoubtedly been shedding tears. His face is pink, and his oldest sister is rubbing circles on his back. He doesn’t look at her; Jaune doesn’t trust his heart to stay still if he meets those haunting eyes. Not when neither of them can hold it together as it is. He puts his head in his hands, willing his blood to freeze. 

Ruby can’t help but notice how fragile her friend looks. Her next breath wobbles. She makes another fist and looks imploringly to Ren, who gives her a slight nod. Ruby returns it as the district attorney pivots on his heel.

The bailiff instructs her to raise her right hand. Ruby keeps the other one bound to her lap as the registrar asks her if she will only speak the truth. 

_Only say what hurts you to say_ , Ruby thinks bitterly.

When the registrar says ‘pains and penalties of perjury’, every ‘p’ is sounded with such force that spit flies from his mouth. Ruby feels a chill go down her spine. Her voice sounds alien when she says ‘I do’. 

“Miss Rose, will you please recount for the jury what you saw on the night of October 17th, 2017?”

She pictures the bruises, and nods.

 

Ruby has the strange experience of narrating the flashback she’s had for weeks. She finds herself staring blankly at a knot in the wood across the room, trying to remember every last detail of the scene. She has to talk unusually slow in order to recall the things she so often skips over. The exact ways that Cinder looked at and attacked Pyrrha held invaluable information that she had to get across in just the right words, even if it made her friends sick to their stomachs. 

It’s amazing how something that lasted only a minute could take so much time and so much pain to analyze.

When she reaches the point where she pulled out her knife, Ruby hesitates. A young woman in a white coat has walked to the middle of the room. She presents a sealed plastic bag labelled ‘EVIDENCE’ in two gloved hands. Through the bag, Ruby can see her red Swiss army knife, its blade rusted with dried blood. Ruby’s voice cracks. In her periphery, Nora drops her jaw, her expression spellbound. Jaune isn’t crying anymore; his arms are crossed and his face is set like stone.

“A-and,” she continues. “As soon as I saw her blood I-I must have blacked out.” Ruby catches her breath, and notices the shaking in her limbs. She had been doing so well…

“I don’t, um. Th-the next thing I remember is waking up in the ambulance.” 

“Could you describe the injuries you awoke to?” The attorney asks, his tone patient. Ruby is reminded of the eyes on her, a mere child who still needs to be told what to say. She glances at her friends again, and Jaune’s hard expression yields a bit. _Pyrrha wouldn’t think that about you_. Ruby lifts her chin and takes on a false, yet effective, air of confidence when she returns to the question.

“My neck was throbbing here and here-“ she points to the spots under her chin where the jaw curves up. “-and I had lots of bruises on my wrists, and a split knuckle.” Ruby finishes by making a fist with her right hand, and directing attention to the discoloration on her index finger’s bottom joint.

After confirming a few more details, the prosecution thanks her and allows Ruby to return to her seat. Her thankful exhalation is shared by most of the gallery. When she falls into her seat, Taiyang practically crushes his daughter in a fierce hug.

“That was perfect, Ruby,” he whispers, barely able to contain his excitement. He gestures with his thumb to the jury box. “Did you see their faces? You’ve got her in the bag.”

Ruby manages to choke out something resembling a laugh. Beyond the barrier, the defense lawyer is quietly bickering with Cinder, and the jury all look at the woman with varying degrees of scorn. Ruby sinks back and looks over to her friends. 

For the first time today, all three of them are smiling. And it’s because of her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> early updating like a productive mf look @ me  
> i had a bunch of ideas over break so get excited once i wrap this bad boi up!  
> thank u all sm for reading <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> be prepared for some feelings in this one :)

“But did you not pull out your knife _before_ my client approached you, Miss Rose?”

Ruby gulps. The defense lawyer is a man with bright red hair and a sauntering voice. He’s tall enough to look her in the eye as she sits, once more, on the witness stand.

“Sir,” she begins, her voice wavering. “Sh-she had just-“ Ruby catches herself and starts over. “I was afraid for myself- I had just seen what she’d done to Pyrrha.” Her name comes out like lava- warm and slightly dangerous to speak after so much time. 

The attorney sighs, and Ruby can tell he’s getting tired of this. It didn’t take a genius to know that there was no way for Cinder to get out of this case if she continued to refuse pleading guilty. Ruby almost felt pity for the man.

But then he straightens his back and looks back to her, a glint of mischief in his eyes. When he speaks, he flashes an amiable face to the audiences around them.

“That is a legitimate point, _Ruby_.” In contrast, he spits her name like a swear. “However, I must ask. If you claim to have been ‘emotionally compromised’ while this event was occurring- and by extension, claim that there was no premeditation involved- why did you choose to go for my client’s eye?”

“Objection,” the prosecution calls as he stands.

“Based on your statement,” the redhead continues. “It would seem you had the knife in your pocket. You could have just stabbed her in the stomach, like anybody else would have. It would have been much closer to your hand.”

“Objection, Your Honor.” Ruby’s throat grows hot as the district attorney starts walking around his table. 

The judge waves down both of the men. “I’m going to call for a recess,” he says tiredly. “We will meet back at three o’clock sharp.” He lightly taps the board with his gavel before pointing a finger at the defense.

“I’m giving you one more chance to get a guilty plea out of this woman, Torchwick,” he hisses. His threat is detected by no one in the now bustling room save for Ruby, who he shifts his attention to when the lawyer scurries off. “Y-you may go now.”

Ruby realizes she was technically dismissed with everyone else, thanks the judge, and runs to meet the people waiting for her.

 

When the court is once again in session, Cinder’s attorney looks extremely proud of himself. He doesn’t allow a second to pass once everyone has sat.

“Your Honor, before we begin, my client has an important announcement.” He steps aside and smirks down at Cinder. 

The criminal rolls her eyes and stands up. Ruby glances at the chain hanging from her handcuffs and falling down to her bound ankles. Cinder’s lips move, but her voice is so thin that her words are imperceptible.

“Speak up,” the judge orders.

“I’m changing my plea,” says Cinder. 

“How do you plead, Miss Fall?”

She draws her face taught and burns through the man with a glare. “Guilty.”

 

The judge had immediately dismissed the crowd once more, and this time, the jury returned with the verdict. 

Breaths hang in the air, like mist above individual heads, as the twelve members file in. From her new seat next to Nora, Ruby can see more of Cinder’s face. The woman now wears a slight grimace on her mouth, but doesn’t give much else away- with her folded hands and crossed ankles, she looks a stone’s throw from proper.

“Mr. Watts,” the bailiff beckons towards the jury box with his hand. A dark-skinned man with a thick mustache unbends his knees in the back row, and his head nearly touches the ceiling when he stands. “Please read the jury’s verdict.”

With every passing second, Ruby’s muscles burn hotter. She reaches for the hands on either side of her, focussing on Nora’s steady grip as Jaune’s begins to tremble. The foreman clears his throat with an emphatic cough, silencing the room.

“In these entitled actions,” he says, glancing around the room. “We the jury find Cinder Fall guilty of aggravated assault and murder in the first degree.”

 

The room swells with cheering when Cinder is taken away. Ruby is vaguely aware of the relief clouding her vision and the many smiles she gets as the gathering leaps and twirls out the door and spills onto the street. 

What sticks with her, though, are the somber but grateful faces worn by Pyrrha's parents. The way Ren and Nora look at each other like they've never been more grateful to be alive. The genuine sound of Jaune's laugh when Ruby flashes a toothy grin. Snowflakes floating gently to the earth from an almost cloudless sky. Ruby didn’t think it was still possible to feel this light.

 

It’s nearly dark out by the time the crowd disperses and Pyrrha’s memorial is packed up. Flowers securely tucked in the back of her mom’s SUV, with no room for the spot Jaune told his family he’d have when they left him an hour ago. He shies away from the Nikos’s frenetic apologies and starts down the courthouse stairs. 

When Cinder was convicted, Jaune felt like someone had thrown him into the sky. Like his heart was in his head and something _good_ had happened for once. But now grief gnaws at his insides once more, surely as the earring swinging from his neck. Nothing will change the fact that Pyrrha isn’t coming back, no matter how many years her killer is behind bars. 

Jaune reaches the bottom of the steps, only to spot a red-clad figure on a nearby bench. He realizes that he hasn’t spoken to Ruby since the verdict, when he threw his arm around her, cheering. In hindsight, the action feels so wrong.

“Ruby,” he calls.

She turns, though not without hesitation. Her eyes attach to his like magnets. The vestige of fear in her expression dissipates.

“Hey, Jaune.” Ruby slides to make room as her friend walks over. He scans the surroundings, looking puzzled. “My dad’s getting the car,” she explains. “Are you on your way home?”

He shakes his head and looks sheepishly at the ground. “I was actually gonna ask you for a ride. Do you mind?” 

Ruby cracks a small smile against the glow of nearing headlights. A snowflake  lands on her nose. “Not at all.”

 

“Sometimes I wonder if I have any right to say I loved her,” Jaune admits. 

His eyelids are heavy, and he doesn’t take his head from its spot against the car window. For a moment, Ruby wonders if his words were meant for her ears. She double-checks to makes sure that Tai still has headphones in. 

“What do you mean by that?” She asks gently.

Jaune feels his stomach lurch. “I… I didn’t know how she really felt until-” he stops to catch a desperate breath, pushing back the memory of Pyrrha pressing against him. “Until she kissed me, you know? I feel like I only loved her for an hour.”

“Love for someone who’s gone is still love.” Ruby says, looking to her father and back. She lifts her legs to the seat and crosses them. “But even then, why does it matter? You did love her for an hour, and that means something, right?”

Her expression is so tender and her presence is so warm and theres fire in Jaune’s gut as tears start welling in his eyes.

“I don’t _know_ ,” he chokes. Empty fists find his hair and elbows crawl to his knees. “I mean- I _do_ know, but. I’m not sure if it was really me, or…”

“Or if it was just because she loved you?” Ruby asks quietly.

When he sits up, Jaune sees a thousand emotions flicker across her face in an instant. The fire’s moved to his face now, in his eyes as they flicker across the only person he’s ever felt this way for. The moment he looks at her lips, shame forces the tears from his eyes. He whispers an apology under his breath and prays that Pyrrha’s the only one who hears him.

Ruby winces when her friend turns away. _Nice going, you made him cry. Again!_ “Jaune, no- I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant! I-”

“No,” Jaune says weakly. He sniffs and dries his eyes with his sleeve before shifting so he faces Ruby again. She tries to ignore her racing heartbeat as he opens his mouth. “I think you might be right-” His shoulders tense involuntarily with the confession; his insides are burning. 

“I just don’t know how to feel anymore,” he whispers.

With a forced sigh, Ruby nods. “I know.” He looks at her with more pain than she thought possible after all that's happened today. She takes his hand in hers and squeezes it. It's shaking.

“That's okay.”

 

————

 

Ruby never found it difficult to keep to herself. As a child, her sister was reserved and her dad was always caught up in his own business. It was easy to sneak off somewhere and write angry letters to throw in the trash or down a ravine. It was easy to come home and be bright and bubbly, to put on a paper smile. But as her family moved on, Ruby stuck to her ways. She became saddled with an emotion she didn’t know how to handle. Over time, covering it up became a part of her very nature. Now, she can’t imagine how to face the feeling again. 

All she knows how to do is love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what even is my format anymore idk
> 
> anyways thanks for reading! If u have any comments Please feel free to leave them here, and hopefully i'll have the Last Chapter up on saturday!!!!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting without editing bc its 1 am YEEHAWWW
> 
> So funny story, i forgot that i had a field trip this weekend when i updated last so i'm posting this chapter now instead. this puppy's almost twice as long as the past ones, so get pumped! I also wrote an epilogue that i'm gonna try and post on sunday night! Yea !
> 
> Enjoy, y'all!

The next day Beacon High School is a blur of gossip about the trial. Ruby settles into her desk and weathers the questions she’s asked with a straight face and honest answers. She barely speaks other than that until the 4 kids in the sophomore class are dismissed for lunch.

Ren and Nora are sitting on the floor near the front entrance, where the other upperclassmen are racing to see who can get to Junior’s Diner the fastest. 

“There she is,” Nora teases. “The talk of the town!” 

Ruby rolls her eyes as she pulls out her lunchbox. “Tell me about it,” she mumbles. “Did Jaune go to get food?”

“Nope. He stayed home,” Ren murmurs. He retracts his arm from Nora’s shoulder and leans forward slightly. “Said he needed to think.”

She doesn’t need him to elaborate. Ruby nods solemnly before getting to work on her sandwich.

Nora senses her friend’s exhaustion and steers the conversation elsewhere by complaining about how Mr. Port teaches again. Ruby’s half-listening and half watching Ren’s thumb flick across the screen in his hand. The phone buzzes, and he raises his eyebrows in a flash of surprise. He types a hurried reply and makes eye contact with Ruby for a brief moment. Nora peers wordlessly over her boyfriend’s shoulder and swallows her lips.

Ruby’s own phone pings with a notification from Jaune as if on cue. She opens Snapchat and eyes Ren quizzically, but his expression doesn’t give her any more hints. 

It’s a picture of the hay-strewn floor in the cattle barn, with a caption that just says “can we talk?”. 

“WHAT DID IT SAY?” Demands Nora, leaning towards Ruby. “You just went SO pale, did he tell you-”

Ren shoves Nora to make her stop, but it only devolves her speech into laughter when she lands in Ruby's lap. 

Ruby spends the next half of her day with a stone in her stomach. She’ll be well on her way into an assignment when her brain suddenly decides to remember that another awkward, tear-filled conversation is in her near future. Maybe that’s a good thing if they cry more, Ruby thinks- it’ll be something remind her that she’s not allowed to harbor the feelings that are spreading through her like a virus. It’s still as though she’s watching herself from the outside, mentally throwing bad tomatoes at an actress that looks just like her. When Ruby catches herself imagining the way he says her name she wants to put herself into a goddamn chokehold. 

“What’s _wrong_ with me?” She sobs into the phone when she gets home. 

Yang feels a breath hitch in her throat. Her little sister always did have the worst timing. Ruby was too fast with everything, but the important stuff was what caught her. She learned how to read in a matter of weeks but was struggling to actually retain the words she read now, she could run at lightning speed but after awhile she would crash to the ground like the thunder that followed. Now she has a crush on someone, but it took her too long to realize it and it’s smothering her. At a time like this, no less. She only hears the thoughts crowding her head as they come out, she only knows she’s in the water when it’s filling her lungs.

“Ruby, you can’t keep doing this to yourself,” Yang says. She flicks away her pencil in frustration with the calculus book on her desk. “Who’s to say he’s not thinking the same thing?”

The sniffling on the other end. “He’s not, Yang!” Ruby snaps. “Why would he? He’s grieving, which is what _I_ should be doing!”

“I think you are, though,” her sister says thoughtfully. “You’re doing what you did when Penny moved.”

“Meaning?”

Yang chuckles. “Getting real paranoid about your feelings. Romantic or otherwise.”

Ruby huffs. How is it fair that her sister knows her better than she does? 

“I get it, though,” says Yang. “I get that you don’t want to feel this way right now. And as much as I know you want to, you can’t just ignore it.” 

The younger girl nods, as though her actions can be heard. “I shouldn’t pay attention to it, either, though. Not now.”

“Do you think you can try and figure this out with him, then? Talk through it a little?”

“Well…” Ruby hesitates. That’s not something she wants to do, for fear of losing the friend she’s had at her side for so long. But Yang somehow always hits the nail on the head with these things. Ruby looks out the living room window and beyond to the base of the mountain peak, where Jaune lives. She makes a fist with her free hand and inhales slowly. “Guess there’s only one way find out, right?”

 

Zwei figures out where they’re going almost immediately. Within minutes he’s pulling Ruby through the streets at the fastest speed his tiny legs can take him.

(Ruby’s dad won’t allow her to go out alone anymore. But if she brings the dog, does that count?)

The Arc’s farm sits on the Western side of the town, closer to the base of the tall, snow-capped peaks that surround Vale than to the rest of it. For Ruby, that means a fifteen-minute trek across the terrain, alternating which hand she holds Zwei’s leash with as he gets faster and faster at the promise of getting to herd the goats. 

Soon she comes upon the gated driveway that veers from the main road. The bent mailbox with ten handprints on it, all in varying freshness of paint but all copper in color. Ruby unlocks the gate with one of her three keys and lets Zwei off the leash. He bolts in the direction of the barn, leaving her in the dust. The sun is setting, turning the sky orange and painting the undersides of clouds pink. Any other day the sight would’ve taken Ruby’s breath away. She starts trudging up the long driveway, kicking up gravel as she goes.

Jaune’s mother greets Ruby with a warm smile and a mug of sugary coffee. “I saw you coming,” she laughs. 

Ruby makes her way to the basement and crashes on the sofa, trying to think of how to start the conversation. She’s afraid the crescent-shaped marks on her hands might start to bleed when she hears Jaune come down the stairs.

“Hey, Ja-” 

“Oh, shit-”

A beat of silence passes before the two of them start giggling. Falsely at first, but in his desperation to keep things normal, Jaune trips over a cat toy and lands on the couch next to Ruby, sending them both into hysterics. So much for nonchalance. 

“Okay, okay,” Jaune catches his breath, and he can’t tell if his legs are turning to jelly from exhaustion or fear. “So, talking. Right.”

Ruby flicks the hair from her eyes. The cold feeling in her bones won’t go away, but her skin is burning and her heart is beating in her stomach. She forces herself to look at Jaune.“Did you wanna talk about— about Pyrrha, or?”

“Yeah, I think so,” he says. But he says nothing for almost a minute. When he opens his mouth, he speaks fast, like he wants this to be over before it begins.

“I told her everything, Ruby. Things I didn’t even tell you for years. And I said it all to her in a few months. She just… God, I don’t know. She understood, you know?” He doesn’t cry, but his voice is climbing and falling with the effort of keeping it in.

Ruby nods. “Yeah.” 

Every nerve in her body is screaming at her to scoot over, to hold him and let him cry on her and _oh god I’m doing it again_. It’s something she’s done before, sure, but somehow it would mean something different now. So she stays put.

“And I think that she tried to show me how she felt,” Jaune continues. “So many times. And like the dumbass I am I didn’t notice. Ever!”

“Hey!” Ruby interjects. “You’re not dumb.”

“Okay, I’m Albert Einstein. Or Da Vinci. Or Mozart?” 

“Just… what were you saying?”

Jaune sighs and uncrosses his arms. “I don’t know, I guess I’m just guilty. And I’m one to talk, right?” He gestures to Ruby. “But it’s…. Not just cause of that.”

Ruby grips the armrest of the couch with one hand. “You have every right to feel that way, though. It’s okay-”

“Do you really think that?” He cries. “Do you think I have every right to feel love two months after losing it?”

Stunned silence turns the air between them cold. As Jaune’s eyes widen with realization, Ruby feels a hot tear roll down her cheek. His expression turns to one of sheer terror, like the monster he’s been running from is upon him, and it’s in the form of scaring away his best friend.

Ruby tries to breathe, but her lungs shake more than her hands as she chokes out: “You…”

She can’t finish the question, but Jaune nods anyway. He hangs his head so she can't see his face as his shoulders seize with quiet sobs. Ruby hears the faintest plea between the two of them struggling to stay composed.

“Please don’t hate me.”

She’s pretty sure it wasn’t directed at her.

“Hey,” she whispers, reaching out to touch his arm. When Jaune looks up, his eyes are tired and his hair is tousled. There’s still a piece of hay in it. With a visibly trembling hand, she pulls the stalk out. “She wouldn’t.”

He stays silent, swallowing whatever words of doubt pricked the back of his tongue like needles. A slight nod. “Okay,” he breathes.

“For what it’s worth,” Ruby begins. Her neck might as well be on fire. _Fuck, why is it so hard?_   “I’ve felt the same. And it doesn’t feel fair to anyone. You, me, least of all her.”

She nods toward the earring. Jaune’s hand flies to it, but his eyes stay on Ruby, an unnamable emotion filling them to the brim. He sits up so that he’s eye-level with her.

“It… it feels like a disservice to her if I- well, I guess feel this way,” he says, talking with his hands as much as with his words. “But it feels like a disservice to myself- and to _you_ \- if I ignore it.”

“I’ve been so scared to admit it to myself,” Ruby agrees. She hugs her knees, burning with the sensation of needing to bury her face in his chest, but petrified by the thought of moving even an inch to her left. “She would want us to be happy. But it just feels so _wrong_ , y’know? Not this, but just having it happen so soon.”

Jaune folds his arms into the pocket of his hoodie and leans back so that he stares at the ceiling. “You get me, Ruby.”

 

They decide to wait. However long it takes for them both to feel okay with the idea of moving forward. If they don’t feel the same when it’s all said and done, then so be it. If they do, that’s great. Ruby gets out of the truck with a slight reluctance, lets Zwei into the house, and watches Jaune drive away until she can’t see him anymore.

In a way, nothing will change. And that's all that lets Ruby sleep that night.

 

The next day, Ruby brings Jaune’s blanket back. “I thought it’d be weird to have it when we're not…y’know…”

He laughs. “You can keep it. Friends share stuff, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing m/f is haarrrd lol. criticism and tips are super duper appreciated here or on my tumblr (also chilipepperconverse)  
> ANYWAY  
> thank you guys SO SO SO much for reading this, it was such a labor of love and I honestly didnt EVER expect it to get this much attention, i love u all <3 <3 <3


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEAH i forgot to post this yesterday but. here it is! Some more family fluff bc honestly the xiao long-rose-branwen family is the only reason for my existence at this point. Enjoy this little bonus bit!

That night, Ruby curls into her bed, at once besotted with and terrified by the heat in her chest. She can’t hold the book in her hands, and when she lays it on its back, her fingers can’t turn the pages from being so jittery. For a moment, her attention drifts to the plaid throw draped over her desk chair. Ruby feels her mouth twitch into a tiny smile. 

_Nothing wrong with it_ , she reminds herself. She puts the cold book on her cheeks and hums a sigh.

After a fight through the last chapter of _Lord of the Flies_ , Ruby unplugs her lights and pulls her covers up to her nose. The stars feel so much brighter than they should on a moonless night. She flashes back to when Yang first explained the dots in the sky to her, echoing the words she’d heard from Ruby’s mom years prior.

_The light we see from the stars right now took years to get here. Some of the stars might even be dead- yeah, Ruby, stars die, too. But we can still see them, so they aren’t_ really _dead. You know how Dad says you look like Mom? It’s kinda like that. Yeah, like that._

Ruby looks up and down the Milky Way, replaying the words in her mind until she has a full scene to fall asleep to. Before long, her eyes start to drift out of focus, and the sounds of the football game in the living room begin to fade. Amidst the droning, a car door outside slams. 

The TV clicks off and Zwei’s tags chime as he jumps from the couch.Ruby smiles knowingly to herself at the nervous shuffling of feet, but she stays in bed. The door squeaks open, letting in a gust of winter wind. Over that, a few rushed footsteps and a dropped bag. There’s the _thump_ of two people giving each other a much-needed hug. Faintly, she hears the words ‘I missed you,’ but she can’t tell who said them.

Ruby listens to their murmuring for awhile, trying to decide if she should just get up and go in the living room. But her family decides for her, when Tai and Qrow start walking down the hall. She shuts her eyes and pretends to sleep when the door opens.

“Well, shoot, she’s asleep,” her dad smiles. “Guess you’ll have to say hi in the morn-”

“HI UNCLE QROW!” Ruby throws off her blankets and sits up in one swift motion, succeeding in making her guardians jump backwards. Zwei darts out of the room with a bark. Ruby takes a moment to laugh at their sprung faces before getting up to give her uncle a tight hug. She repeats what she heard and says, “We missed you!”

“Jeez, kid,” says Qrow. When Ruby peels herself off him, he tugs at his t-shirt and shakes his head with a chuckle. “You’ve still got it.”

Taiyang folds his arms and raises an eyebrow. “Ruby, did you finish your book?”

His daughter nods, still sporting a wide grin. And though her eyes are tired, there’s a happiness in them that Tai hasn’t seen there for quite some time. He copies Ruby’s expression, then glances at his watch. 

“Alright, good, ‘cause it’s 11:30. You better get some sleep if we’re going to go pick up your sister tomorrow.”

“I can sleep in the car.” Ruby waves her hand nonchalantly. She doesn't bring up the fact that she won't be taken out of school until lunchtime. Her dad rolls his eyes, but there’s humor in the gesture. He’s happiest at times like this: when everyone he cares about is out of harm’s way. It’s something he’s learned to be grateful for a little too well.

Ruby follows Tai and Qrow into the kitchen. When the three of them are sat down at the table, with Zwei laid down under it, Qrow launches into one of the stories from his most recent adventure. Once the milk in her cup disappears, Ruby lays her head on the wood and lets herself relax. Her uncle tells tales so vividly that she can almost see the event he narrates, projected onto the wall like cave paintings dancing between shadow and firelight- flickering like a movie projector. Or maybe that’s just her eyelids.

“See, Rube,” Taiyang snickers, shaking his daughter awake. “You _are_ tired. Go on and get to bed, okay?”

“ _Fiiiine_ ,” Ruby groans. She pushes herself off the table and gives each of them a disgruntled peck on the cheek. “Goodnight- wait, can I get some more milk?”

“Only if you’re sure it won’t give you nightmares,” Qrow says jokingly, raising his index finger.

Taiyang puts his coffee down. “Qrow, that’s cheese.” 

“Or ice cream!” Ruby adds while she fills her cup again. She turns and heads down to her room, calling goodnight again behind her.

As she walks to her bed, Ruby takes Jaune’s blanket- _her_ blanket, actually- off her chair. She pulls it around her shoulders, tentatively. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she tries to sum up the past few days in her mind. Ruby can’t remember feeling this happy whenever she's held this blanket close to her. So she buries her nose in its folds and inhales, smelling the pine, cedar, and sadness so thick it chokes her lungs with grief for one moment. 

Ruby holds her breath. Lets the feeling float in her body, where it can’t do much but sit there and shrivel like a covered flame. And when the feeling is so weak that her lungs scream for air, she releases. The ghosts of her demons drift from Ruby’s mouth, and she realizes that she’s sucked the venom out of one of her wounds.

There’s still a ways to go.

She doesn’t have any nightmares that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, this is it, folks. I sure hope you enjoyed this fic half as much as i enjoyed writing it. keep ur eyes peeled for more bc i'm overflowing with stuff i wanna work on, both in this au and not. 
> 
> PS but what should i call this series? i wanna hear ur thoughts!
> 
> One more time, thank you guys so much, y'all are so great for real :*


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